I'm jealous of your bromance
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
