im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
