pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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