I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Michael Bay diarrhea
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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