I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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