I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
