He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i now understand why vodka
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
