i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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