and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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