Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
