Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize