He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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