Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we made out on top of his cat.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
