Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize