I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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