He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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