so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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