I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
