Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
