big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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