Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
