well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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