i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Text me some of your sweat
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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