Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
