Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
