I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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