At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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