It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
