Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
