I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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