I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
