Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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