So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
