You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have post one night stand depression
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
