So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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