My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
