You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Welp...herpes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
