Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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