i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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