she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
