You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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