careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
