He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
