Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
