The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
