No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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