you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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