She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
