Plan B is the new Plan A
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
