You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Randomize
