you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
