He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
