'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
