he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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