No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
did you just send me my own nude
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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