I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
