we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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