I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Randomize
