We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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