It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
