I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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