i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
