Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize