Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
