i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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