He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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