I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
