just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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