Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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