I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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