I will die if light touches me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This is my gift to your gina
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
