When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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