were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
