he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just googled if crying burns calories
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
