Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
