I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
