She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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