Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
