Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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